What's self-care?
I internalized the idea that taking care of myself was not work. It became relegated to the giant pile of things that weren’t “real” work, like talking to people on the phone, writing birthday cards, keeping up with news and other odds and ends. Something that should be done in one’s spare time, after work.
In fact, I took it a step further. I came to the conclusion that caring for myself was synonymous with avoiding “work” or being lazy or somehow ditching out on the sacred activity of capitalism: working for money or prestige or some related benefit.
Working was more important and by contributing towards someone’s vision of a better humanity, whereas taking care of myself was extra.
I sat down and made a list of all the things I had done in that day that I had not felt were worthy of being called work. This list included:
- emotional labor educating a privileged person on how they should work to educate themselves
- planning a trip for myself and another person, where I was trying to put in all the leg work as they were too busy doing the work thing
- balancing my checkbook/figuring out my finances and financial goals
- answered work-related emails
- planning my week
- doing a load of dishes
And yet somehow, replenishing myself didn’t take on the same importance as taking care of someone else in crisis until I was the one in crisis.
Why do we beat ourselves into the ground for not being “strong enough” to ignore our trauma or our pain instead of realizing that most of us have never had the time, opportunity or ability to heal from it?
Viewed through the lens of capitalism, our worth is only so much as the money we make. And according to that doctrine, healing “makes” no money, so it is therefore extra, worthless, something only for downtime.
But what if we thought about it differently? What if we considered what healing gives us that is not monetary? What if worth could be more than just money or production?
When I was exhausted and burnt out, I had no words for tragedy or large emotional states. I had no capacity to feel joy. This is fairly unusual for me, as I’m usually a person known for being sensitive and having a large emotional range.
So self care is basically any set of practices that makes you feel nourished, whether that’s physically, emotionally, spiritually, all of the above. Self care is putting aside time to recharge in a way that’s meaningful to you, and that can mean different things to different people.
to practicing self care is letting yourself know that you deserve it.
Figuring out what works for you though can be one of the biggest hurdles to self care because it’s not something that we sit down and reflect about a lot.
Who are the people that you can surround yourself with who will make you feel supported? What are some activities that you can do that bring you a sense of calm, and where are the places that you can go to feel safe and comfortable?
I reflect on the relationships in my life and actually hand pick the ones that I want to nourish. I actually sit down and choose a group of people who I want to be my support system, and I reevaluate as necessary. I make sure that toxic people are no longer in my life, and I prioritize the relationships that help me grow.
list of 5 things that you can do sitting at your desk or wherever you are that will calm you down when you’re feeling particularly stressed. My list is breath, tea, walk, crafts, talk. Five really simple things that start with the easiest and work up to the most involved that can help calm down when I’m in a state of anxiety.
Self care really isn’t something that takes a lot of time, which is what I think most people think. It can be as easy as consciously choosing who you spend your lunch hour with. It can be remembering to take a 10-minute break in the middle of the day to go for a walk or to do some breathing exercises. It can be as simple as promising yourself that you won’t do homework on the weekends. It can be starting every morning with a cup of tea or a journaling exercise. It can be just reading a poem before bed every night. It can be whatever works for you.
But it’s psychologically necessary.
Practice the basics – Eat, sleep, bathe and go outside. These actions may be simple for many, but for those of us who live with mental illness, they can be a struggle.
Take a break from the world – Some days, I need to zone out and tap into solitary self-care.
Find a supportive community – Surrounding myself with friends who understand and support me in my struggles is how I keep going.
Tap into your creativity – When I write, I fulfill my purpose. Sing, dance, act, make art and collaborate. Do whatever you feel expresses who you are to the world. The feeling of creating something that comes from your heart is priceless.
Seek peace and calm – In seeking everyday wellness, I call on my spiritual practice to find quiet. I meditate, pray, read, listen to music, and take walks. I conjure up the moments that help me find quiet to hear my inner voice and listen.
Rest – Let's be real, wellness is tiring. Take naps, sleep well, and slow down
Self-Care Check-Ins - Have you eaten? - Have you eaten a proper meal? - How is your body feeling? - What are your conversation boundaries? - What’s upsetting you right now? - Your daily mental-health routine is even more important during the holidays. - What can you let go of today? You have more to do and more on your mind than usual, so what can you let go of? Does Christmas dinner really need to be that fancy? Can you wear sweatpants today?